so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
