Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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