My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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