just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
