Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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