I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
