You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
