I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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