Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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