He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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