I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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