I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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