can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
