Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
