So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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