it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is my gift to your gina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
