I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
