So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
