last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
