i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
