I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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