He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
