____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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