i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
