Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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