She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
