You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
