Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
