i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
