his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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