I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
