I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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