i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
