You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize