i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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