I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
