do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
