Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
