So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
