This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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