she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
