with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
