It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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