i think i have herpe
just one?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
