yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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