do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i will never coherently bang her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
