tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
