I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
