He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
