Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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