He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
