I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
