Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
