I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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