i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
