Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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