no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
