she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
