I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
