shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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