I love black thongs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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