How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
