How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize