its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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