i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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