Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
