My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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