The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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