the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
