how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
