Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
